If you insist...

Atlantis Resort, Paradise Island, The Bahamas.

The Atlantis Paradise Island is a resort and waterpark located on Paradise Island, The Bahamas.
With imagination and innovation Caribbean vacationers can only discover at Atlantis Paradise Island, the 120-foot tall Power Tower slides deliver sensory thrills unlike any other. Resort guests can take on The Abyss, a 200-foot body-slide that will send you plunging 50-feet into a lagoon .Try out The Drop. Dare The Falls or dive into The Surge, a waterslide roller coaster of twists and turns. From the iconic Mayan Temple to the ominous Power Tower to the playful Splashers Island, Aquaventure boasts more than 18 thrilling water slides for kids of all ages.
The Leap of Faith slide offers the daring and adventurous a 60 ft. almost-vertical drop from the top of the world-famous and iconic Mayan Temple, propelling riders at a tremendous speed through a clear acrylic tunnel submerged in a shark-filled lagoon.
The Atlantis Resort gave their little waterslide paradise a name - Aquaventure - and that's what the rides are all about - adventures in the water.

Gold in heaven...

"There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. 'Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you.' 
The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him. 
The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed.
Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter. 
St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, 'Hold on, you can't bring that in here!'
The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord. 
Sure enough, St. Peter checked it out, came back and said, 'You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through.'
St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, 'You brought pavement?'"

BECAUSE I AM A MAN....

-Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AAA is not an option. I will win.

-Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.

-Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

-Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

-Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

-Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).

-Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

-Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

-Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

-Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

-Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2013, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.

Pure genius!

Stupid...

Don't worry...

Change the OIL...

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl.
After a year she went into the hospital to give birth.
The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. “This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”
He answered, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.”
The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, “You really are amazing. How do you do it?”
He again said, “You’ve got to keep the old motor running.”
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, “You must be quite a man.”
He responded, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.”
The nurse then said, “Well, you had better change the oil, this one’s black!”

Surprise... Surprise...

At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old.
Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected “knock” on the door.
Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door.
It’s Morris! And he’s again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again.
However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, andthere he is again… Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.
As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, you have enough juice to go at it three times. I’ve been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once.
You’re a great lover, Morris!”
Morris, looking somewhat befuddled, turns to Luanne and says…
“WHAT?…You mean I was here already?!”

Oh, learning from The Matrix... that really helped me!

Frack Great Britain...

U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron is doubling-down on his pledge to frack Great Britain: he says the controversial technology should be allowed pretty much anywhere in the country.

Because, really, what's wrong with a few faucet fires, gas leakages, induced earthquakes, and a permanently fouled water supply?

No words. Simply Amazing!

Future is now!

MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACES ON EARTH!

Southwest Airlines - Rapping Flight Attendant

700-mph hyperloop transportation plan unveiled...

Boutique Hotel on The Water, Amazon River

The Amazon river might not sound like a luxury destination to many, but with Aqua Expeditions’ latest creation you may change your thinking. Peruvian Architect Jordi Puig created this luxe vacation spot on a 147 foot long boat that accommodates up to 32 guests plus the crew. 
This quaint Amazon River cruise has all of the same essentials of any other cruise ship, only on a smaller scale. There are lounges, a jacuzzi (outdoor), a gym and dining areas in addition to the outfitted guest rooms. With an excursion to a place that many never get the chance to see, and plenty of it can be done right from your room. Though typical cruise ships hardly offer windows in plenty of the sleeping quarters– windows on this ship were designed with floor-to-ceiling views in mind.

Reasonable explanations...

Oh, Come On!

Fast thinking!

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Some old men can still think fast.

Welcome to the family...

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Drinking Cola...

PASTOR'S ASS...

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN .

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.

The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas... The Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY???

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. 
So stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.

Cruel truth...

Hot Tub Cinema at the Netil360 rooftop in Hackney, London...pretty cool!

The tallest building in China and second tallest building in the world!

Located within Shanghai’s Lujiazui Finance and Trade Zone, the tower sits between Jin Mao Tower and Shanghai World Financial Center and rises to complete a trio of super-tall buildings.

Standing at 632 metres (2,073 feet), the tower has displaced Saudi Arabia’s Makkah Royal Clock Tower Hotel in Mecca (601 metres) as the world’s second tallest building behind the 828-metre Burj Khalifa in Dubai, according to a listing published by the Council of Tall
Buildings and Urban Habitat.

You're doing it wrong...

Doctor's orders!

Sales skills

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." 
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I"m broke and haven"t got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 
Don"t be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." 
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get your ass a fork, "cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

Smart business...

The kids filed back into class Monday morning.

They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Mary led off, “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “my sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Sally was next, “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”

“Very good, Sally,” said the teacher.


Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes?” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.

They all said the same thing.
“Hey, this tastes like s**t!” Then I would say, ” It is, wanna buy a toothbrush?”

Cami Secret...

Business meeting...

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.00.

When he was ready to leave, he told her that he did not have any cash with him but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling it "Rent For Apartment."

On the way to the office he decided that the whole event was not worth the price he agreed to pay, so he had his secretary send a note with a check for $250.00 and enclosed the following note:

Dear madam,

Enclosed, you should find a check in the amount of $250.00 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:

1. It had never been occupied.
2. That there was plenty of heat.
3. It was small.

Last night I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat and it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250.00 with the following note:

Dear sir,

I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how turn it on. And if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, don't blame me.

It is the Viagra...

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”

He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”

At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something. “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?”

He declines. “

The Viagra,” he says, “It’s really spoiled my need for food.”

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”

He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”

“Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m bloody starving.”

Remove Cap and Push up Bottom

I got a new stick deodorant today... 

The Instructions said: 
Remove Cap and Push up Bottom. 

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.

The car won't start, honey!

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburetor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburetor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."

Insano water slide, Beach Park, Fortaleza, Brazil

If you suffer from even the mildest hint of vertigo, look away now. For the images below are alone enough to send even those who don't have a fear of heights into a spin. 

The Guinness Book of World Records has officially listed Insano, a 41-metre high water slide in Brazil as the world's tallest of its kind. 
Equivalent in height to a 14-storey building, the ride plunges swimmers from sky to pool in just four or five seconds travelling at speeds of around 65 miles an hour. 
Insano can be found in Fortaleza, Brazil, and for those not distracted by the significant drop below it offers great views of the Atlantic Ocean from the top. The Brazilian beach park website describes the Insano as the most extreme equipment of this type of the planet.

How men think...

Real Gangsters

I've Converted To EVERY Religion (Just In Case)

Boner on live TV

This thing will blow your hair back, in the very best way ...

Grandma's boyfriend...

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' the crap out of her boyfriend."

Amazing! The world´s longest tree top walk!

Take a walk in 8 to 25m height in unspoiled nature and experience completely new points of view. All this is possible upon the new tree top walk in the Bavarian Forest National Park.

Starting from the parking area next to the wildlife enclosure the world´s longest tree top walk starts at the entrance tower. With its elevator it gives easy access for all kind of visitors. Even for wheel chairs and children´s buggys it is absolutely no problem to enter the walk.

The wooden construction is integrated into the forest and delivers a natural experience. Along the path you will find various Points of information regarding the mountain forest as well as some adventures points. You may discover a unique forest and it`s different forms of life from a different point of view.


The path, 1300 meters long, winds up to an impressive tower with a height of 44 meters. You will discover an extraordinary and almost “borderless” view. Towards Lusen and Rachel mountains you will find the untouched wilderness and the sea of trees in the Bavarian and the bohemian forest. Towards Neuschönau it will be the vast cultural landscape and, on a clear and sunny day, even the silhouette of the alps.

Late night talk...

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.
Then she told me to take off her skirt.
Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.

Be careful what you wish for...

A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?"

"No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

And that's when the fight started...

Are you a six a clock news fan?

Kinda stupid...

Technology... Heck yeah!

Incredible... Is This Guy A Seal??

Special Head

Irresistible Force

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"

"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

What would you do?

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.

The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you,

and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit

points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.

The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over '' the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.

The chief screams, "What are you doing?"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"

Funny Golf Picture

Street art: Level Expert!

Looks like fun: Elli Beach - Rhodes Town, Greece

The cosmopolitan Elli beach

Elli is a cosmopolitan, long sandy beach, situated on the northernmost tip of Rhodes island in Greece. Some people say it's the most beautiful beach in the entire Mediterranean Sea. Elli is also one of the most popular beaches in Rhodes, attracting thousands of visitors every day. 


Elli beach has everything you need to spend a magical day under the hot Aegean sun. Golden sand, sun beds and colorful umbrellas, traditional taverns, many seaside hotels and beach service. 

All that creates the perfect scenery for fabulous summer holidays in Greece.

Amazing places: Marina Bay Sands Resort, Singapore

Marina Bay Sands is a new developed tourist hot-spot in Singapore, with attractive sights and places to see and visit. 

There are few places in sunny Singapore quite as worthwhile visiting as Marina Bay Sands. It is a recently completed addition to the island’s campaign to boost its tourism industry, but a wonderful one at that. From the foreigner’s, or visitor’s, point of view, it is a fabulously opulent and showy complex for recreational shopping, museum-visiting, or simply a relaxing time at a sea-side hotel.

The most obvious feature of the Sands is, of course, the Marina Bay Sands Hotel – a triple-tower sea-facing hotel, of approximately 60 stories. The lobby in itself is a wonder, while it is readily connected to the shopping, casino, and other buildings across the road. 

A particularly unique feature is the keel-shaped open roof, containing a rooftop swimming pools, with view, alas, to die for (there is a price, however, for visitors going to the top).